


Poisoned

by nanamousse



Category: Dae Guk Nam Ah | The Boss
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Cheating, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-01
Updated: 2012-05-01
Packaged: 2020-07-10 20:17:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19911583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanamousse/pseuds/nanamousse
Summary: When Lee Suhoon left, everything from Park Hyunchul to their whole group fell apart.





	Poisoned

**Author's Note:**

> Old DGNA fic. Written around 2012.

Suhoon stared at the dumbfounded expressions of his members at his announcement. They were in the living room with the four younger boys sitting on the sofa while Suhoon stood in front of them. Despite the shock reverberating in the younger boys' heads, Suhoon kept his cool. He had expected their reactions anyway. If they flashed him smiles and showered him with encouraging words, he'd be the one in shock. After all, there was no way his members would easily accept his sudden decision, especially since they were managing both their Korean and Japanese activities well – they just finished promoting their second full Japanese album and were set to record their new full Korean album. Everything was going as planned until he, the leader, decided to disturb the momentum.

“For how long?” Jihwan asked, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat after Suhoon told them that he would be going to the U.S. to study music.

Looking directly at their maknae, Suhoon answered, “At least two years.”

“What about us, hyung? You’re going to leave us?” Injoon asked, frowning in worry.

“Not for forever,” Suhoon said, smiling lovingly at the younger boy, “I’ll come back. For the meantime, Hyunchul will be your leader,” he added, beaming at Hyunchul, “don’t give him a very hard time though, you know that he always got a lot of load on his hands,” he continued before turning to Hyunmin, “help him out from time to time, alright? I don’t want any news of him fainting or getting hospitalized. That same goes to  
all of you.”

The three younger boys glanced at Hyunchul, who hadn't spoken a word regarding the matter yet. They were aware that this would not be easy for their second oldest member. Maybe the three of them could get used to the temporary new setup, but not  
Hyunchul. Suhoon wasn't just his leader anyway.

“Excuse me,” Hyunchul muttered as he got up from his seat and headed to his and Suhoon's bedroom.

Suhoon sighed as his eyes followed Hyunchul. He knew that the  
younger boy wouldn't take this easy.

“You should talk to him,” Hyunmin told his leader, “the three of us can discuss this with each other, but I think you owe him a much deeper conversation about this.”

Rolling his eyes, Suhoon began, “It wasn’t sudden, I’ve been –”

“Save it, hyung,” Injoon interrupted, giving the older boy an understanding smile, “explain yourself later to us after you explain yourself to him.”

“Injoon-hyung’s right,” Jihwan agreed, looking down, “as much as we appreciate the fair treatment, I think this situation calls you to prioritize him.”

Suhoon sighed and nodded in understanding as he left them for Hyunchul. When he got inside, he saw the younger boy sobbing while buried under his blanket. Feeling guilty, Suhoon sat beside Hyunchul and stared at his bed on the other side of the room. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Suhoon began while the younger boy stopped crying, “I know I should’ve said something, but I wasn’t sure about it at first,” he explained, hoping Hyunchul would understand him, “I told President Jang about it, and he helped me look for opportunities I could grab...I wasn’t expecting much, but...”

Just then, Hyunchul threw his blanket to the side and sat up. Wiping the tears with his hands, he said, “I appreciate your effort for an explanation, but I think this is just a waste of our time since it's not going change anything. You’re still going to leave.”

Suhoon didn't miss the sharpness in Hyunchul’s voice even though he was trying to be calm. “Please don’t think that I didn’t put our relationship into account,” he said, shifting his position so that he can face the younger boy properly.

Hyunchul let out a bitter chuckle, and said, “I can’t do that. Even if you try to convince me that you did, I won't believe you. You thought about this for some time and decided not to tell me. A while ago, you didn’t even ask for our opinions. You just stood there in front of us and told us what you're going to do and the changes the group will have to take. How can I think that you put our relationship into account?”

“Believe me, Hyunchul, I did,” Suhoon told him, taking hold of one of his hands firmly, “I know I shouldn't have kept you in the dark, but---”

“Fine, let’s say you did,” Hyunchul retorted, pulling his hand away from Suhoon’s hold, “but you probably thought I'd just be okay with it, right?”

Taking a deep breath, Suhoon answered, “In a way, yes. I thought you’re going to understand...”

“If you told me everything from the start, I would,” Hyunchul told him, sharply, “I would’ve supported you and helped you to look for a good school even though I don’t know one,” he continued, frustrated, “I would’ve have been cheering for you the moment you learned that you got accepted...I wouldn't have been shocked, confused and unprepared...” he added, showing his disappointment, “it would’ve been different, Suhoon...”

“I’m sorry...I’m sorry...” Suhoon said in a whisper, looking away.

“You’re making me feel bad for being selfish, but it’s just...” Hyunchul said, attempting to explain himself but failing to find the right words.

“No, don't,” Suhoon told him as he looked back at the younger boy, “I know you’re upset. You have all the right to be so. I can’t blame you for that.”

“But you’re still not going to change your mind...” Hyunchul said, looking blankly at the older boy.

Suhoon nodded his head and turned away once again.

“You have thought well what the group should do once you go...” Hyunchul began, leaning against his headboard and staring at the ceiling, “how about us? Have you thought about what will happen to us?”

Dreading to answer the question, Suhoon shut his eyes and said, “Yes, of course.”

“Let me guess...” Hyunchul said, smirking, “it’s either we do this long-distance thing or just break up.”

“I’m afraid so...” Suhoon answered, shifting closer to Hyunchul to cradle his face, “I wish I can provide you with a better option, but it’s up to you. Choose what will be easy for you and I’ll respect your decision.”

“You’re cruel...so cruel..." Hyunchul said as he shut his eyes, causing his tears to fall from his eyes once more.

* * *

It had been six months since Suhoon left for New York to study music and it had been six months since Suhoon and Hyunchul decided to break up. They tried to stay together, but their unpreparedness got the better of them. The break up was everything but pleasant. Both were frustrated at each other. It was the most terrible phone conversation they had.

Suhoon would call the other members, but never Hyunchul, to see how things are going without him. His phone conversation with Injoon and Hyunmin were long. Injoon would update him about their activities – fan meetings, variety show appearances, music show performances, pictorials, recordings, interviews, etc. On the other hand, Hyunmin would convince him to talk to Hyunchul. Meanwhile, Suhoon hadn't been able to speak to Jihwan for more than five minutes. Jihwan would only answer his questions with one-word answers, and it had been bothering him for quite some time now. Finally, Suhoon didn't have to wonder anymore. Hyunmin called him, saying, “Jihwan's going to ask Hyunchul out any moment now.”

“Really?” Suhoon replied, surprised.

Thankful he was at the rooftop, Hyunmin scowled and hollered, “Don’t you dare ‘really’ at this situation! We both know this is going to be ugly! Hyunchul would just hurt him!”

“It’s not Hyunchul’s nature to hurt anyone,” Suhoon told the younger boy as he stared at one of his pictures with Hyunchul.

“That was before you hurt him!” Hyunmin snapped at the older boy over the phone, “Hyung, let’s not be stupid. Even though he hates your entire being, Hyunchul still loves you...” he continued, leaning against the fences, “he can never love Jihwan the way he loved you...heck, he can never love anyone the way he loved you.”

Suhoon sighed and said, “Thank you for thinking that way, but we're over. We to move on now. Besides, what do you expect me to do? Call Jihwan and talk him out of it? I can't do that...”

“Hyung, you don’t understand,” Hyunmin said, exasperated, “Hyunchul’s not the same anymore...” he added, not knowing how to explain everything to the older boy, “the Hyunchul we know...he's gone now...he's been so freaking fake since you broke up.”

“Well, let’s hope Jihwan can bring him back again,” Suhoon told the younger boy.

* * *

Hyunchul’s eyes travelled from the bouquet of roses in his hands to the giver who happened to be their maknae, Jihwan. Years ago, if anyone told him that the popping prodigy would someday ask him out, Hyunchul would've died laughing at the ridiculous idea. Never in his life did he imagine that Jihwan would get the guts to ask him to go out with him.

Hyunchul stared at the younger boy. To him, even though the Jihwan's already 20 years old, he was still the same 13-year-old boy who blew him away with his dance moves. However, this time, Jihwan’s taller and his facial features were more defined. Jihwan had always been dear to him, but he couldn't let himself lead the younger boy to things that he'd regret in the future.

Taking a deep breath, Hyunchul returned the flowers to Jihwan, and said, “Honestly, I don’t know what to say. I’m flattered, I guess. I didn’t expect this at all. But I’m sorry. I think it’ll be best for us to stay as friends. Let’s forget about this.”

Shaking his head, Jihwan pushed the bouquet back to Hyunchul, and said, “No, please, hyung. Give me a chance. Maybe I’m nowhere near Suhoon-hyung, but I promise that I'll love you more than he did. I’ll take care of you. I’ll never leave you. I love you, hyung. I’ve always loved you.”

“I don't doubt you, Jihwan,” Hyunchul told the younger boy, “you don’t need to prove anything at all.”

“Then, why?” Jihwan asked, confused.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Hyunchul answered, honestly, “I can never love you the way you'll love me.”

“You don’t have to!” Jihwan said, desperate, “I’m not asking for anything in return. I’ll take whatever it is you can give, hyung. Just don’t say ‘no’.”

Knowing he couldn't go against the maknae’s stubbornness, Hyunchul half-heartedly accepted Jihwan’s confession. He had to admit that he underestimated Jihwan. The younger boy had been reliable even with the child-like sweetness that sometimes took him aback. Still, deep inside, Hyunchul couldn't help but compare the younger boy to Suhoon, which made him miss the older boy more than he should.

At night, Hyunchul would find himself staring at Suhoon’s number, thinking whether he should give him a call or not. He knew that Suhoon calls the other three. He'd always hear Injoon talking to Suhoon over the phone enthusiastically, making Hyunchul feel a bit envious. Fortunately, Hyunchul was able to keep his longing for Suhoon away from Jihwan’s senses during their first eight months together or else the younger boy would feel sad. However, Hyunchul was aware that he couldn't keep everything to himself for too long.

One night, when Jihwan was away for the next four days to shoot his new movie in a province down south, Hyunchul went out to a club owned by one of his countless high school friends and reserved a VIP room all to himself so he could drink as much as he wants in peace. His drunkenness made him do probably the stupidest thing he had ever done yet as he grabbed his phone from his bag and called the number he hadn't called for more than half a year now.

Disregarding the time difference and the distance between Seoul and New York, Hyunchul slid down on the floor and waited for Suhoon to answer his call. Finally, the ringing on the other end stopped.

“Hyunchul," Suhoon said.

Hyunchul couldn't help but crumble at the sound of the voice he hadn't heard for a long time. “I hate you...” he said before he could stop himself, “I hate you so fucking much...please, come back...”

Suhoon closed his eyes to sort out the sudden rush of emotions inside him to avoid saying anything stupid. He had to remind himself that Hyunchul wasn't his anymore. “Are you drunk?” he asked after taking a deep breath.

Laughing hysterically, Hyunchul answered, “Of course, idiot, do you think I can call you if I’m not?”

“Who’s with you?” Suhoon replied, worried.

“No one...” Hyunchul told him, tired, “I’m on my own...like it has been when you left...”

Suhoon sighed. He wasn't sure how to handle a drunk Hyunchul with his bitterness, depression, and anger. He only got to experience that Hyunchul once, and that was the night before his flight to New York. The heavens witnessed how much effort he put to shield himself from the harsh words Hyunchul lashed  
out to him that night.

“It’s already 1:30 am there, you should go home,” Schoon said as he sent Hyunmin a private message on Twitter on his laptop, telling him to pick Hyunchul up. He was aware of where Hyunchul was. Hyunchul would never dare to get himself drunk in a place where no one knows him.

“I don’t want to...there’s no one waiting for me at home...” Hyunchul told him, sobbing.

“Jihwan's coming home in the next couple of days, you won’t want him to see you like that,” Suhoon said, trying to get some sense into Hyunchul’s head as he read Hyunmin’s reply stating that he was on his way.

Hyunchul laughed again and said, “He didn’t know what he got himself into. He can’t blame me for whatever hell I could blow at him. He should’ve braced himself for the worst things that could happen.”

“He loves you, Hyunchul...” Suhoon told the younger boy.

“But I love you,” Hyunchul replied, finishing another bottle of alcohol, “he knows that without me telling him.”

“He doesn’t deserve this, Hyunchul,” Suhoon said, running his hand on his hair in frustration.

“I don’t deserve this too!” Hyunchul snapped back at the older boy as he violently threw the phone away from his ear to somewhere else in the room, ending his conversation with Suhoon. He buried his face with his hands and cried with all the hurt he was feeling inside.

In less than 30 minutes, Hyunchul felt a pair of strong arms wrapped around him. Looking up, he saw Hyunmin’s face gazing down at him with all the pity in the world.

“Let’s go home, Hyunchul,” Hyunmin whispered, tightening his hold on the slightly older boy, who was shaking in his arms.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Hyunmin,” Hyunchul confessed, looking at Hyunmin helplessly.

Letting go of his friend, Hyunmin sat comfortably on the floor and brought both of his hands on Hyunchul’s face to wipe away all his tears. If only he could, Hyunmin would've already taken the first plane to New York and smuggle Suhoon back to Seoul. Hyunmin knew how much Hyunchul loves Suhoon. He was the first person Hyunchul went to when Suhoon asked him out, and he could never forget how happy Hyunchul was that time.

Hyunmin was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice how Hyunchul had leaned toward him and closed the distance between them with a kiss. Despite the strong urge to push Hyunchul away, Hyunmin couldn't find the strength to do so as Hyunchul had already wrapped his arms around his neck tightly. Hyunchul could be strong whenever he wanted to be.

With his mind blank of any realization that what they were doing was wrong, Hyunmin pulled Hyunchul closer to him. Temptation and lust controlled every nerve of Hyunmin’s body as he returned Hyunchul’s hungry kisses with the same amount of intensity.

Hyunchul moved his lips to Hyunmin’s jaw to shower it with kisses to the taller boy’s ear. Grinding his hips on Hyunmin, Hyunchul smirked, knowing that whatever it was that his body wanted, he would get it from the other boy.

“Oh God, Hyunchul,” Hyunmin gasped as he felt Hyunchul’s tongue licking his ear.

“Make me feel good,” Hyunchul whispered, enough to drive Hyunmin to the edge.

Hyunmin lifted Hyunchul and gently laid him down.

As Hyunmin peppered his neck with kisses, Hyunchul knew that he just set himself to do the stupidest thing he would ever do in his life. Still, despite being fully aware of everything, Hyunchul pulled Hyunmin for another kiss in the mouth and threw away all thoughts about Suhoon and Jihwan away from his head.

* * *

A rapid surge of headache ran through Hyunchul’s brain the moment he opened his eyes the next day. “Ahhh,” he whimpered as he brought his hand up to his temple and rubbed it.

“You’re finally awake,” Hyunmin said as he entered the room, wearing a white wife-beater and khakis.

“What time is it?” Hyunchul asked, closing his eyes once again to relieve himself from the headache.

“11:00 am,” Hyunmin answered, sitting on Hyunchul’s bed.

“Thank goodness for day-offs,” Hyunchul muttered, breathing out.

Hyunmin smirked, and said, “I think there are more things you should be thankful of than just day-offs.”

Hyunchul opened his eyes to stare at Hyunmin. He was completely aware that Hyunmin was talking about Jihwan and his absence in the dorm until tomorrow. What they did at the club wasn't something they could brag about or be proud of, but both had to admit that it was something they enjoyed. It felt good, but it would've been better if no one was going to get hurt.

After the sex, they drifted to sleep for a bit before Hyunmin woke up after an hour or so. Cursing himself for letting Hyunchul get into his sanity, Hyunmin got up and dressed them up so they could leave at once. Since Hyunchul was too drunk to move, Hyunmin had to drag him all the way home.

“Amazing,” Hyunchul muttered, smirking at himself, “I drowned myself in alcohol, yet I still remember the stupid things I did.”

Hyunmin breathed in and out, and said, “You called him, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Hyunchul quipped, frowning.

“He’s the one who told me where you were last night,” Hyunmin told him.

“Wow, he still cares, I’m touched,” Hyunchul said, sarcastic.

“He never stopped, I’m sure of that,” Hyunmin replied.

“Look, I don’t want – ouch,” Hyunchul yelped as he felt his head got hammered very hard when he sat up to argue with Hyunmin.

Sighing, Hyunmin stood up from the bed and reached out to Hyunchul, saying, “I just made some ramyun. Let’s go before it gets cold.”

Hyunchul let Hyunmin lead him out of his room and into the dining. He looked around for any sign of Injoon, but remembered he had to record a show by himself with X-5’s Donghyun. Sitting on the dining table, Hyunchul waited for Hyunmin to serve him a bowl of instant ramyun. They ate in heavy silence, both thinking about how they were going to discuss the wrong thing that they shared hours ago. However, none of them spoke up even after eating.

“There’s some aspirin in my room,” Hyunmin told the smaller boy as he picked up the bowls, “take one and go back to sleep to get rid of your headache.”

Rolling his eyes, Hyunchul knew they needed to say something about what they did even if it wasn't much. Thus, disregarding Hyunmin’s advice, he followed the taller boy to the kitchen where he was about to wash the dishes, and said, “Should I apologize? If I should, I can’t bring myself to do so.”

Hyunmin chuckled, and said, “Then don’t. Not to me, at least.”

“You’re not going to bring your sorry ass to Jihwan and tell him what we did,” Hyunchul said, venomously as he sharply glared at Hyunmin.

Recognizing the warning, Hyunmin washed his hands and dried them with a towel as he walked back the smaller boy. “Even though it’s the right thing to do, I can’t do that,” he admitted, throwing the towel at the kitchen table, “that’s how much of a coward I am, it’s the least I could do to protect Jihwan from getting hurt.”

Hyunchul smirked, and said, “Moron. You just can’t accept the fact that you have something to do with why he’s bound to get hurt.”

“That too, I just have to make sure that it’ll never happen again,” Hyunmin said, making Hyunchul smile more devilishly.

“Really now?” Hyunchul replied, raising an eyebrow as he glided his hand up to Hyunmin’s arm to caress the taller man’s jaw and to slide it down his chest and to his well-toned abdomen, “Are you sure you can make sure it’ll never happen again?”

Hyunmin’s eyes met Hyunchul’s challenging gaze and felt his heart beat more rapidly than usual. He never knew that his angelic friend could be this dangerous. He could no longer see the sweet and gentle Hyunchul. Only a beautiful beast that was always set out to get his prey.

‘Suhoon-hyung, you created a monster...’ Hyunmin thought as he brought his hands to Hyunchul’s small face and leaned down to kiss those addicting chapped lips.

* * *

The hide-and-seek game that Hyunchul and Hyunmin decided to play went on for a couple of months. Being the cunning members of the group, they managed to hide their escapades behind Injoon and, especially, Jihwan. However, secrets could be only kept for so long.

If their schedule permitted them enough sleeping time at night, Hyunchul and Hyunmin would sneak out of their bedrooms in the dead of night and meet in the bathroom. Though it was the most careless plan, the two youngest members never caught them.

Hyunchul liked it when they do it in the bathroom. “The riskier, the better,” he told Hyunmin once when the taller boy asked him why he loved to do it there, “the thrill of being caught makes the sex more amazing.”

They would always turn on the shower to make Injoon and Jihwan think that their roommates were taking a shower – separately, of course. However, Injoon woke up one night and saw that Hyunmin wasn't on his bed. Yes, he already assumed the older boy was taking a midnight shower like he always did. Unfortunately, tonight, Injoon was thirsty. Thus, Injoon got up from his bed and went to the kitchen to get himself a glass of ice-cold water. As he settled the drinking glass on the sink, Injoon’s ears caught a sound of hushed voices somewhere in the apartment.

Curious, Injoon followed the sounds that led him to the bathroom. Confused, he leaned his ear on the door and couldn't help but widen his eyes. Leaning back, Injoon stared at the door in disbelief. Hoping that it wasn't what he was thinking, he gripped the doorknob carefully and silently opened the door slightly. Injoon peered inside and froze as he saw Hyunchul and Hyunmin’s silhouettes behind the shower curtain.

“Yes...faster, Hyunmin,” Hyunchul, who was bending forward, demanded in a whisper as Hyunmin pounded harder inside him, “I’m coming...I’m coming...”

Injoon was too shocked to move from his spot. He stayed in his place until the two boys reached their climax. Part of him wanted to believe what he saw wasn't real. ‘Hyunchul-hyung can never hurt Jihwan,’ Injoon told himself. However, he couldn't deny himself of the truth anymore as he saw Hyunmin sat and leaned on the end of the bathtub that wasn't adequately covered by the curtain.

Shortly after, Hyunchul crawled onto Hyunmin, saying, “You’re amazing...as always.”

Injoon knew that he already had enough of what he saw when Hyunmin pulled Hyunchul into an intense kiss. Closing the door as carefully as he could, Injoon went back to his and Hyunmin’s room to calm himself down. He knew he had to do something as he couldn't stop thinking about Jihwan, who was sleeping soundly at the next room, totally clueless of what his boyfriend was doing behind him.

That morning, before they ate their breakfast, Injoon eyed his two hyungs carefully and took a heavy breath to calm his nerves. He sat down on the seat next to opposite Jihwan, and said, “I know you’re not set to do the groceries until next month, but I’m not feeling well right now. Would it be alright if you go with Hyunmin-hyung today?”

Jihwan smiled at him and said, “Sure, no problem, hyung.”

After Hyunmin left with Jihwan, Injoon walked inside Hyunchul and Jihwan’s room where their substitute leader was sorting out their schedules for next month. He sat on Jihwan’s bed and stared at Hyunchul.

“What is it?” Hyunchul asked, eyes still glued on the laptop, “The medicine didn’t do much to your migraine?”

“I’m feeling perfectly fine, hyung,” Injoon confessed as he made himself comfortable at Jihwan’s bed.

Hyunchul looked up from his laptop and turned to Injoon. Raising an eyebrow, he asked, “So, what’s with the alibi? Did your laziness kicked in again, so you fooled my cute little  
boyfriend to take over your chores?”

Injoon smirked, and said, “This would've been cute if I don't know how awful you are, hyung.”

Narrowing his eyes at the younger boy, Hyunchul asked, “What are you talking about?”

“How long have you been hooking up with Hyunmin-hyung?” Injoon asked upfront.

“You caught us last night,” Hyunchul replied, giving Injoon his full attention.

“Yes, I did,” Injoon confirmed, making Hyunchul look at him in a different light, “it’s not like I wanted to watch you two while you do your thing, but you weren't exactly as careful as you think.”

Hyunchul shook his head while smiling. He didn't know whether he was caught up in his misery or was just too busy being the group’s leader that he didn't notice how much Injoon had changed. Never did he imagine having such a conversation with Injoon. “Are you going to tell Jihwan about us?” he asked, sighing.

“It depends if I can stop myself,” Injoon answered, honestly, “but, seriously, if you'd rather be with Hyunmin-hyung, just break up with Jihwan, you wouldn't have to cheat on him.”

Laughing, Hyunchul said, “Do you seriously think that I feel something towards Hyunmin?”

“Shouldn’t it be that way?” Injoon asked, frowning.

“I thought you’ve changed, I was wrong, you’re still the same old, innocent Injoon,” Hyunchul said, amused, “not everything in this world is as perfect as happily ever after, okay?” he continued, looking blankly somewhere in the room, “There’s no such thing as a romance between us...it's just lust, pleasure and addiction. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s just a friends-with-benefits kind of thing...”

“And Jihwan?” Injoon replied, trying to understand the older boy.

Frowning, Hyunchul answered, “Believe me or not, I don’t have any intention of hurting him...even though he was bound to from the very beginning. I tried, Injoon...I did my best to protect him from me, but it’s not easy...”

“He loves you, hyung,” Injoon told the older boy, sadly.

“I know, you don’t have to tell me that, no one has to tell me that,” Hyunchul replied, taking a deep breath, “but, as much as I want to, I could only love him up to a certain point...” he explained, shutting his eyes, “he knows that but I know he’s hoping and wishing that I could give him more of me...”

“It still doesn’t justify your actions,” Injoon told him as he got up from the bed to go out of the room.

“Hyunmin – or more like having sex with him – is like my anesthesia,” Hyunchul added, making Injoon stop in his tracks, “he numbs me from all the pain I’m feeling because of Suhoon...and Jihwan...but like all anesthesia, its effect wears off after some time, which is why I would always come back for more.”

Injoon stared at Hyunchul for a moment before leaving the room. He felt pity towards the older boy. All of a sudden, he realized that the Hyunchul-hyung he once knew was gone – that all the smiles he had been showing everyone were fake. Shaking his head, Injoon couldn't help but feel a bit stupid that he didn't sense how much Hyunchul had changed.

That night, when Jihwan was already sleeping, Hyunchul walked out of their room and crept inside Injoon and Hyunmin’s room. He knelt beside Hyunmin’s bed and woke the boy up by shaking his shoulder gently.

Hyunmin opened his eyes and quickly sat up the moment he saw Hyunchul. “What are you doing here?” he hissed, looking over to Injoon, panicking.

“We need to talk,” Hyunchul whispered, straightening himself up and walking out of the room.

Getting up his bed, Hyunmin followed Hyunchul out of the room. “What is it?” he asked, closing the door behind him. Hyunchul headed to the kitchen to get some sense of privacy and said, “Injoon knows about us.”

Hyunmin’s jaw dropped at what Hyunchul said. All of a sudden, the reality hit him hard – the wrongness of what he and Hyunchul were doing for the last four months behind Jihwan’s back, the lies they had made to cover up their selfish lust for each other, all of it. Like all games, they seemed to have finally reached the “Game Over” sign above their heads. It was time to put an end to their obsession.

Hyunmin sighed and smiled, saying, “This is it then. We’re not supposed to be doing this until now in the first place.”

“I know...” Hyunchul replied, walking up to Hyunmin, “it’s just that...”

“What?” Hyunmin asked, looking cautiously at Hyunchul. He could see the blank expression on Hyunchul’s face, and it sent shivers down to Hyunmin’s spine. It was as if he was staring into an empty, emotionless, beautiful doll.

“I’m not ready to give you up yet...” Hyunchul continued, wrapping his arms around Hyunmin’s waist and burying his face on Hyunmin’s shoulder.

Hyunmin returned the embrace and kissed Hyunchul on top of his head, praying to bring back his old friend.

* * *

“How much do you love Hyunchul-hyung?” Injoon asked Jihwan while they cleaned the laundry area. It had been three days since Injoon learned about Hyunchul and Hyunmin. He thought the two older members would finally come to their sense, but he was wrong.

Jihwan looked at him weirdly and said, “What kind of question is that?”

Injoon smiled and replied, “I guess I should rephrase that, how much are you willing to give for Hyunchul-hyung?”

Cocking his head to the side, Jihwan answered, “I still don’t get where these strange questions are coming from.”

Taking a deep breath, Injoon said, “I know I’m not in the position to interfere, but I’m your best friend, and I don’t want you to get hurt. So, as much as I don’t want to tell you the truth...”

“Quit the intro and just get on with it,” Jihwan said, extremely curious.

“Hyunchul-hyung...he's cheating on you with Hyunmin-hyung,” Injoon said, watching the sudden change of expression on Jihwan’s face, “I caught them a couple of nights ago...they were...having sex with each other.”

Jihwan felt his jaw tightened. His mind quickly went into haywire as he debated within himself if he should believe what the older boy told him or not. “What are you saying?” he asked in a whisper, “Hyung would never do that...”

“I know it’s –”

“Liar!” Jihwan yelled at Injoon as he ran back inside to look for Hyunchul. Despite the denial, Jihwan still wanted to hear it from him. If Hyunchul lied about it, he would believe him.

“Hyung!” Jihwan called inside the apartment, unable to find Hyunchul or even Hyunmin for that matter, making him feel a bit hysterical.

Injoon followed Jihwan inside to calm him down, but the younger boy ignored him and charged towards his and Hyunchul’s bedroom and saw the older boy sitting on his bed, working on his laptop, with Hyunmin reading some papers. The two looked up at the maknae and pulled out their earphones.

“What’s wrong?” Hyunchul asked as Jihwan, looked at him, Hyunmin and the room, “Jihwan?”

Jihwan, then, sat beside Hyunchul and wrapped his arms around the older boy’s neck. “Injoon-hyung told me something, hyung,” he said, clinging tightly, “it’s so mean...I don’t want to believe it...”

Hyunchul and Hyunmin quickly glanced at each other before turning to the door where Injoon suddenly appeared.

“I just told him the truth,” Injoon said, looking hard at the two older boys in the room.

“No, no, no, they’re lies,” Jihwan said, crying, as he looked at Hyunchul, “he said you’re cheating on me...he said you’re cheating on me with Hyunmin-hyung...it’s not true, right?”

Hyunchul stared at the desperate younger boy in front of him, not knowing what to say. Suddenly, Hyunmin got up from the bed and headed to the door, saying, “Tell him the truth, Hyunchul.”

Watching Hyunmin leave the room, Hyunchul brought his attention back to Jihwan, and said, “I’m sorry...”

Jihwan stared at Hyunchul in disbelief. The image of the perfect Park Hyunchul he had admired since he met the older boy crumbled in his eyes. He got up from the bed as more tears fell from his eyes and broke into a run.

“Jihwan!” Hyunchul called for the younger boy as he quickly left his bed to follow Jihwan out of the apartment and down the stairs, “Jihwan, please, let me explain,” he said as he caught up with the younger boy and blocked his way.

“Hyung, I don't understand,” Jihwan said, angry and helpless at the same time, “I know you’re still in love with Suhoon-hyung...I accepted that...because I love you so much, and I want to be with you,” he begun as he wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, “I know you told me you couldn’t love me the way I love you...but I didn’t care because I told myself that if that’s what I have to live with just for you to let me love then so be it...” he continued, clutching his chest, “hyung...I know I would never be enough, but why?”

Hyunchul looked at Jihwan sadly. He would want to cry, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. Instead, he pulled the younger boy in an embrace, hoping it could soothe him even just a little. “You love me so much that it’s killing me, Jihwan,” he said, not caring if the things he was going to say would only hurt the younger boy more because the least he could do this time was to be honest after deceiving Jihwan for a long time, “you’re always smiling at me, giving me surprises here and there, doing something special every now and then...it’s too much, Jihwan...and I don’t even deserve it...” he continued, looking up the stairs to see Injoon staring down at them, “even though you don’t say it, I know you’re yearning for more...I may have become so cruel, but I could still feel that, and it frustrates me because I can never give what you want...what you deserve...”

“And Hyunmin-hyung?”

“He’s an escape...a distraction...” Hyunchul answered, truthfully, “being with him...is easier than being with you...he’s not asking for anything in return, it’s even more like he’s doing me a great favor by allowing me to use his body for my pleasure,” he continued, knowing that Jihwan wouldn't want to hear any of that, “he erases all the pain...even for just a while...”

Jihwan gently pushed Hyunchul away to release himself from the older boy’s embrace, and said, “After this...regardless if I forgive you or not...you’re still going back to him, right? You’re still going to knock on his door...you’re still going to kiss him...and let him have his way with you, am I right?”

Looking at Jihwan directly in the eye, Hyunchul bit his lip and nodded his head, making the younger boy cry another batch of tears that he held back instantly. “I thought so...” Jihwan replied, smiling a broken smile, “you'd still be in pain after all...” he added as he ran the back of his hand on Hyunchul’s soft cheek, “I’m sorry if I was never enough...but I did try...” he said in finality before walking past Hyunchul to find a place where he can be alone.

* * *

Jihwan lied on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He decided to stay at his own house for the time being as he couldn't bring himself to be with Hyunchul or Hyunmin under one roof. During his stroll after the confrontation he had with Hyunchul, Jihwan ended up at the nearby park and called Injoon so he could apologize for not believing him. The older boy quickly forgave him and suddenly appeared in front of him with two cones of strawberry ice cream. They sat in silence as they ate their ice cream and only talked about the people in the park. After two hours, Injoon asked if he would want to go home, but Jihwan declined and said he'd rather jump off Namsan Tower than to go back to their dorm. Thus, Injoon volunteered to get some of his things for him and accompanied him to his house where his mother was thrilled in excitement to see his youngest son after a long time.

After replaying all the things that happened that day, Jihwan got stuck at the question Injoon asked him: “How much are you willing to give for Hyunchul-hyung?” Smiling sadly, Jihwan grabbed his phone, thinking, ‘I’ll give him everything and much more...even more than what I can afford...’ He brought the phone to his ear and waited for the person he decided to call to pick up his phone.

“Jihwan?” Suhoon answered from the other line, surprised.

Biting his lower lip, Jihwan shut his eyes to stop himself from crying. “Come back here, hyung, please,” he begged, sniffing, “he needs you...he needs you now more than ever...”

Suhoon, who was making his way inside his school, stopped at the entrance after hearing the younger boy’s request. “What happened?” he asked, confused. He had stopped calling Jihwan ever since he learned that he and Hyunchul got together. He thought it would be awkward for the two of them to talk as if everything was normal. Though, if something happened to Hyunchul, Hyunmin would've told him already. However, the younger boy hadn't called him since a week ago. Hyunmin would always be the one who'd update him how Hyunchul was doing. Suhoon was even glad that the younger boy had finally stopped pestering him to talk to Hyunchul. However, as Jihwan began to fill him with all the details, couldn't help but feel shocked as some of the things made sense to him.

* * *

It was already 5:00 PM when Hyunmin got back from recording one variety show. He was dragging his feet back to their apartment when he saw Suhoon on the hallway beside their the front door, sleeping. Walking towards the sleeping figure, Hyunmin knelt before the older boy and gently nudged him on the shoulder. Suhoon slightly opened his eyes and saw Hyunmin gaping at him.

“Oh my God,” Hyunmin gasped, stunned, “it's you.”

Hyunmin let Suhoon inside and quickly went to the kitchen to serve some food for both of them. Suhoon looked around the apartment and felt a bit out-of-place. It was no longer the same apartment he lived with the four younger boys. The company transferred them into a bigger one after he left. Nevertheless, Suhoon smiled at the progress his members made even during his absence.

“Why didn’t you tell us that you’re going to come back today?” Hyunmin asked while stirring the instant noodles on the boiling water.

“I’m just here for a short vacation,” Suhoon told the younger boy as he leaned at the kitchen door, “it’s spring break after all.”

Hyunmin rolled his eyes at the older boy, and retorted, “Still! You should’ve told us.”

“You should’ve told me too,” Suhoon answered back, making the younger boy look at him in confusion.

“Told you about what?” Hyunmin asked, knowing that Suhoon had already shifted the conversation into an entirely different matter.

Suhoon sighed and said, “A year ago, you told me over the phone that Hyunchul would hurt Jihwan. You failed to mention that you’re going to help him do it.”

Hyunmin turned off the stove and transferred the noodles into the two bowls he prepared. “You’re here because of Jihwan,” he said.

“I came back because Jihwan told me everything,” Suhoon clarified as he went to get some chopsticks, “but I’m mainly here because of Hyunchul.”

Smirking, Hyunmin said, “After you completely shoved him aside, you’re going to show up here as if you care? Nice one, hyung. The damage is already beyond repair.”

“Are you in love with him?” Suhoon asked as he followed Hyunmin to the dining room.

Hyunmin laughed as he sat down and held his hand towards Suhoon, asking for the chopsticks. “Just because we had sex, it doesn’t mean I’m in love with him,” he said, furious, “you weren’t here when he was crying every night after you broke up with him over the phone, you weren’t here to see him pretend that he’s happy even though he’s hurting inside, you weren’t here when the happy and lively Park Hyunchul died,” he continued as he ate his noodles, “I asked you to talk to him countless times, but you want to, so when I realized that he could somehow find comfort by using my body, I let him.”

“I’m sorry...” Suhoon said, not knowing what else he could say.

Waving his hand at Suhoon, Hyunmin replied, “Don’t bother. You didn’t make me do it anyway. I chose to do it and I admit it's a great experience. Do you miss doing it with him?”

Suhoon looked away from Hyunmin to avoid the sharp glares that the younger boy is shooting at him. After Hyunmin had calmed down, Suhoon apologized again and tried to explain himself. However, Hyunmin interrupted him and told him that if anyone needed his explanation, it would be Hyunchul. Suhoon agreed and asked where Hyunchul was and Hyunmin told him that Hyunchul was recording for a sitcom and would be arriving late at night.

Thinking that it would be better for Suhoon and Hyunchul to talk on their own, Hyunmin said, “I haven’t talked to Jihwan yet since he moved temporarily back to his house. I guess it’s time for me to apologize now, I’ll drag Injoon with me, and if things go well, we might have a slumber party.”

Smiling at the younger man, Suhoon replied, “Thank you.”

* * *

Suhoon lied on Hyunchul’s bed as he waited for its owner to come home. Finally, at 10:30 PM, he heard the front door open. After a few seconds, Suhoon heard Hyunchul calling for Hyunmin and Injoon. Sitting up, Suhoon watched as Hyunchul stepped inside the room with his phone on his ear, possibly trying to contact his two missing members.

“Why are you – ?” Hyunchul was about to redial Injoon’s number when his eyes landed on Suhoon, who was sitting comfortably on his bed.

“Hey,” Suhoon greeted, standing up and walking towards the younger boy.

Dropping the phone along with his other things, Hyunchul looked at Suhoon from head to foot with widened eyes. “You’re here,” he gasped, covering his mouth with his hands.

“Yes, I am,” Suhoon nodded as he ran his fingers to Hyunchul’s soft hair, “I’ve missed you so much.”

Hyunchul wanted to wrap his arms around Suhoon. However, all he could do was to drop on his knees and cry. Fortunately, Suhoon caught him and guided him to the bed. Suhoon embraced the shaking boy as tightly as he could, saying, “I’m sorry...I’m sorry...”

However, Hyunchul only cried harder. All the tears he weren't able to cry for Jihwan also came running down his face. Suhoon knew that Hyunchul had to release everything he had kept inside, so he let him cry as much as he wants to, up to the point that Hyunchul couldn't cry anymore.

When Hyunchul finally stopped, Suhoon gently laid him down on the bed and wiped the tears away from Hyunchul’s face with his beautiful fingers. “I’m sorry, Hyunchul,” he said as Hyunchul’s sobbing turned into small sniffs, “I took you for granted...I was selfish...all I had in mind was how I could learn to make music, I thought it was the only thing I need in my life...” he continued as Hyunchul looked up to him, “I should’ve valued your importance more...I’m sorry...”

“You know everything already?” Hyunchul asked, worried.

Suhoon nodded his head, and said, “Jihwan told me everything and don’t worry about it...it’s my entire fault after all...”

Hyunchul would want to convince Suhoon otherwise, but a massive part of him does blame Suhoon for everything. “I’m sorry...Hyunmin and Jihwan...they’re important to you to...I’m sorry for using Hyunmin and for hurting Jihwan...I’m sorry for ruining the five of us...”

“Shhhh, don’t blame yourself for anything,” Suhoon told the younger boy as he pulled him in another embrace, “Hyunchul, will you wait for me? I’ll be back here for good by autumn comes, I promise...” he whispered, tightening his hold to the younger boy, “we’ll start over again, alright? Would you want that? Would you give me a second chance?”

Hyunchul nodded his head as he buried his head on Suhoon’s shoulder. “I love you,” he said in a muffled voice, “I love you so much.”

Suhoon smiled, and replied, “I love you too. I love you too so much.”

Pushing Suhoon gently to gaze at the older boy, Hyunchul smiled in a way he never thought he would still be capable of smiling. “I missed you,” he said as his smile widened, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too...” Suhoon said as he leaned towards Hyunchul to kiss the lips that he had been yearning for more than a year.

* * *

Suhoon woke up the next morning and was quickly alarmed when Hyunchul was no longer sleeping beside him. He quickly got up and ran out of the room only to be greeted by a delicious smell from the kitchen. Feeling silly for panicking, Suhoon calmed himself down and went to the kitchen and saw Hyunchul cooking loads of food for breakfast. “There’s just the two of us here,” he said, hugging Hyunchul from the back.

“Just in case the two decided to come home early,” Hyunchul told him as he turned to look at Suhoon, “you’re really here.”

Suhoon smirked, and said, “You woke up beside me and you still don't believe I’m here?”

“Because...when we broke up, I found myself not imagining that you'd still come back here...” Hyunchul replied, frowning and looking down the floor.

“Let’s not talk about those things anymore,” Suhoon said, lifting Hyunchul’s chin, “I’d rather eat all those food and have Hyunmin and Injoon kill me for not leaving anything for them than talk about those things.”

Hyunchul chuckled, and said, “You’re talking as if nothing’s changed while here I am racking my brain on how I would fix my relationship with Jihwan and Hyunmin.”

“I’m staying here for a week, I’m going to help you work things out with them,” Suhoon promised as he kissed Hyunchul’s forehead, “we’ll fix everything together.”

“No way!” Injoon’s voice suddenly made Suhoon and Hyunchul jump in surprise. The two of them turned to the kitchen door and saw Hyunmin, Injoon and Jihwan standing there.

Injoon turned to Hyunmin, and said, “You didn’t tell me that Suhoon-hyung’s here!”

Hyunmin grinned at him, and replied, “Surprise?”

Pouting at Hyunmin, Injoon looked back at Suhoon and went over to him for a hug. “I missed you, hyung,” he said, beaming at Hyunchul, “now I know everything’s going to be alright.”

“It is, I promise,” Suhoon replied, embracing the younger boy.

Hyunchul, then, slowly glanced at Hyunmin, who was smiling happily at him. Biting his lower lip, Hyunchul finally let himself smile at the boy who had lived with his period of insanity. After a second, Hyunchul looked at Jihwan, who is also smiling at him.

“Oh, no way!” Jihwan suddenly exclaimed in his attempt to lessen the awkwardness between him and Hyunchul, “Is this really food?”

“Yeah, it is,” Hyunchul answered as Jihwan walked past him to look at the food he cooked.

“I’ve missed this one, hyung,” Jihwan said, grinning at Hyunchul, “please, tell me you’re going to cook forever because Injoon’s second-best culinary skills and Hyunmin’s inexistent ones are going to kill me.”

Hyunchul nodded his head and said, “Anything you want, Jihwan.”

“Can we start eating now?” Suhoon asked as he wrapped a shoulder around the maknae, “The only thing I ate yesterday was the bland instant noodles Hyunmin made.”

“I did that on purpose because I hate you so much,” Hyunmin said, rolling his eyes and making everyone laugh.

“I know how that feels Suhoon-hyung, it’s like you’d rather not eat anymore!” Jihwan yelled as he took one of the dishes in his hands before walking out to the dining area before Hyunmin could launch an attack on him.

Injoon took another two dishes, saying, “You’re not going to make any mess! You have no idea how hard it is to clean this house!”

Hyunchul watched as Injoon walked out of the kitchen and felt a bit overwhelmed.

Suhoon, then, came to his side and whispered, “Everything will be alright.”

Turning to see the calm look on Suhoon’s face, Hyunchul gave a firm nod as he finally believed that Suhoon’s right even though everything was too good to be true.

* * *

**END**

* * *


End file.
